What is church for, anyway?

For the past few years, we've been attending what's commonly called a "troubled church" in religious circles. There was a HUGE rift not long after we started attending, and at least half of the attenders have since left. There are now only two other families with children in the same age range as ours.

This, of course, has led to some frustration. The friendships I had begun forming with other women disintegrated as their families moved to other churches. We went from sixteen families with preschool children down to three. The other two preschool mothers and I get along with each other, but there is no potential there for being strong friends.

In addition, with such a small number of children left at our church, the programming for them has suffered. My son is the only child in his Sunday School class. In a year, he will be the only child in Children's Worship. (I grant that all this assumes that no new families will attend our church.) And the quality of these ministries has been... mediocre at times. Not so much in terms of talent or packaging as much as how much effort and preparation has gone into the ministries. Too many last-minute subsitute teachers, too many teachers flying by the seat of their pants when visitors have been present, etc. I don't expect that every church volunteer will be a vibrant genius with fabulous visual aids and riveting stories, but I DO expect that anyone who commits to teaching of any kind should prepare adequately for it.

This has been very difficult for me, for various reasons. I look back over my own church experiences, and I would like my children to have the same blessings. Almost ALL of my real, true friends came from my youth group. They've been with me since high school (some of them since before that!), and God brought them into my life by way of my church. Not my school, not my neighborhood, not my career. I have been thankful for my friends COUNTLESS times over the years, and I want my children to have the same quality people in their lives too. Kind of hard for my son to find friends when he doesn't have any peers!

In addition to this, I have fond memories of all the things I learned in my church. All the stories, the verses, the songs... the love that I learned through adults sacrificing their time to be Sunday School teachers, choir directors, puppet leaders and VBS coordinators. I'm so grateful for the way I was grounded in the Word at a young age, the consistency of example around me.

Besides my desires for my children, I want more friends for ME. I want/need godly women in my own life stage around me, people I can talk to, have over for dinner, invite to my children's birthday parties. So far, I've met good women through various channels, but no one that really seems to want to stick with me. They're all either in different churches or live too far away to really be a part of my life.

So while I've been in the midst of contemplating all this and how I can cope with it, I've noticed a definite tone in the preaching at our church since last fall. We haven't really done much growing, and I think our pastor is a little fed up. There have been several sermons that have really grated against my nerves. I've come away feeling shoved into evangelizing, and chastised for thinking about finding another home church. There was one sermon in particular that talked about how it's the Lord's church, not ours, and we don't have any right to put any stipulation on what we think we "need" or "want" out of our church. And we're not supposed to leave, either; the only valid reason for leaving is if we move out of the area. Assuming, of course, that our church isn't dishonoring God.

So here's the dilemma. I'm not naive enough to think that a perfect church exists, and I acknowledge that no church springs up out of the ground with a children's ministry in place. Someone has to be the pioneer, to stick it out and do the groundwork so future members can benefit. I can't always expect to be the "taker" just because it's easier for my family; I have to be willing to be the "giver" too. But I have some real, concrete concerns for the immediate future and how it will affect us. There's been talk of discontinuing Children's Worship for now, and I can't say that I blame them. We have a tiny number of children that attend, and it's hard to devote energy to something that affects so few. And yet, if they choose to do that... it will be a huge hardship for our family. Our son is not mature enough to sit in worship with us, and we will have to assess the situation if we're left with no other options.

This is our first experience as a married couple with a troubled church, and it's bringing a whole new set of things to ponder. Is church membership like a marriage? As long as there's no direct defiance of God's laws, are you bound to that church until you die? Should you not even seek a new job elsewhere because you've already committed to a church body? Does God want us to take our families' needs into consideration when we're looking for a church? And are we allowed to reassess those things after we've made a decision? If we turn around one day and realize that NONE of our needs(spiritual, relational, etc.) are being met within our church body, are we bound to grit our teeth and stay there just because we said we would?

What is church for, anyway?